Writing thank you notes

The boxes are unpacked so earlier this week I sat down and made a list of all our friends both there and here that helped us at our time of farewell and moving. I realized how long the list was and decided it would be best to go stock up on thank you notes before beginning. When I sat down to write those notes, I could only write a few before too many tears flowed to continue.
This is the 17th time that I've moved. I knew it would be more difficult because this is the first time I moved with children. There are so many things that were right about moving here-they were exactly what we prayed for before Ram received a Call to be  pastor here. But we have to find all new doctors here after becoming close to several of our doctors in MN. ID has the best homeschooling law in the country but I found out that they are unfriendly to homeschoolers that need services from them like speech therapy. After student teaching in WI, teaching in a school in IN, and sending the Lambs to the public school in MN for speech, this has been surprising to me that all students do not have a "right" to speech. I was so happy to move to a city with stores just down the road instead of a big mall 3 hours away. But the stores here carry different brands and products than they did in MN. I was used to buying specific items in specific stores in specific towns-even if that meant stocking up when we were at that store and only buying some items a few times a year. Even if the stores carry what I'm looking for, I'm not used to where on the shelf it is like it was in MN. Ram is busy at church so I'm navigating my way through traffic in a strange city with 3 Lambs along. (I must say they have been quite the troopers for the shopping that we have done and I've bought them a few McDonald's ice cream cones to say thank you to them.)
When we were in MN I thought this was the perfect time of year to move-our garden was done, etc. Now that we are here, I realize it was a really difficult time to move. In MN I was really busy this time of year-getting ready to go to all the Ladies Aid Christmas parties, Christmas program practice, Christmas caroling, etc. I brought food to almost all those events so I was busy cooking and baking the whole month. Since this is a bigger church there are more people to help. Here others cover almost everything so as pastor's wife I'm not expected to do those things.
Oh, how generous our former members and friends in MN were when we moved. Here they were losing their pastor and his family and unsure what the future held for them as a tri-parish. They helped us pack, brought us food, gave us gifts, and made sure the parsonage was painted/cleaned/repairs made.
So this post was just to say that I miss MN and our friends and church members there. I know that I will get used to ID. I know there are a lot of great things about our new town and our new church and I will get used to it. I know there are a lot of other wives of pastors that have been at this point. I know I will get the thank you notes written. I know I will get used to my new role as wife of the pastor here. But I will be thinking of what our churches in MN would traditionally do on each of the days this month.
On the positive side, a couple from church invited our family over for dinner this week. If I'm not so busy with church activities, this will mean more time to do Christmas activities and baking with the Lambs.

Doxology Trip Day 3

This day was a full day at the conference center. We started with church. Then Dr. Kleinig had another excellent session-"Access to the Father's Grace Finding Help for Ourselves and Others". What did I take away from this session? Who do I know that is spiritually crippled in my family, friends, and former church members? What can I do for them? Pray for them specifically. Make a list of these people and "take them to church with you each Sunday". The devil will continually be on our back-you can't even get all your family to go to church! You can bring yourself and others to the Father through the Son by the Spirit.
Then we had another session about financial strategies. Ram and I thought we are doing pretty well financially for the salary we have. We have no debt and are in a parsonage so we don't even have a mortgage. We have started to save for retirement. One thing I learned was if you have been working 1-5 years your goal is 6 months salary/More than 5 years your goal is 1 year salary/More than 30 years your goal is 2 years salary of emergency savings. Ram and I have worked on this and we are close to 6 months salary of emergency savings. But it was clear we need to work on this more and start with getting the whole 6 month salary saved first and then since Ram has been a pastor over 8 years we need to work towards the 1 year salary. We know it can be done with some serious work. Ram and I discussed our financial goals on the way home and came up with a "plan" for how we can work on our emergency savings some more.
Then we had a nice lunch that I've already mentioned chatting with Adriane the Lutheran Witness editor.
Then the wives broke off into small groups and had time alone with other pastors wives. I took a couple of things out of this conversation. 1. We need to work on having people over more. I don't need to always cook a big meal or have a perfectly clean house to have people over. Ram and I talked about this more on the way home and we are making a goal to have people over to our house at least twice a month. We always talk like there aren't "friends" here our age, but there are a few, plus we want to have the area pastors over more often and our church members too. With 3 churches it will be difficult to get all of our members over here-but we can invite a few couples at a time. Ram and I discussed that when we first start this our church members will be surprised since we haven't done this before, but after a few come then it will be easier. I think it will be good for our Lambs and good for us. Our plan is to have dessert or just ice cream with a few toppings-keep it very simple, but actually have people to our house instead of just talk about it.
2. The second thing I learned was when you hear yourself say "I'll pray for you", have the goal to already have prayed for them before you say that. When you receive that e-mail with bad or good news from your friend, pray for them immediately before you open the next e-mail. Then try to pray for them several times the rest of that day while you do your work around the house. If you do it several times that first day it will be in your mind to continue to pray for them instead of just praying for them once and forgetting.
Then we had church again.
Then Dr. Yahnke had a session for the wives about parenting and discipline. This inspired Ram and I to talk on the way home about how we could do better in this area with the Lambs. We especially want to work on nice manners and have a tone in our household of nice talking and working together. That needs to start with Ram and I doing a better job of  talking to each other and to the Lambs because the Lambs will copy us. We have not implemented Dr. Yahnke's "discipline plan" but it was so nice to have an uninterrupted conversation with Ram about this on the way home. I feel that we are "on the same page" now and have noticed a difference about this since we got home from Doxology. The real test will be when we get back to a full homeschool schedule if we can continue it.
Next we had a banquet and they actually ran out of cheesecake so our table didn't get any! Other than that it was a nice meal and nice time to chat with new and old friends.
Then we had church again and a wine and cheese reception. I already mentioned that we had time to chat with Rev. and Mrs. Harrison. We were tired when we got back to the hotel this night and there was still one more day.

Doxology Grand Reunion

The title for the Doxology session where the wives attend with their husbands is called "The Grand Reunion". Oh, was it ever a grand reunion for me! There were many friends I hadn't seen for several years. 

This photo is for Cheryl . Cheryl's husband was the cantor for all of our worship services at Doxology. Ram and I also had a chance to talk to him for a little while at the hotel one morning. It is nice to talk to a fellow Looper dad. The music was excellent at Doxology.

These are the parents of a blog friend that I've never met. Hopefully one day I'll meet Kristen too.

Suzan, one of my new Doxology friends. She is a pastor's wife in rural CO. We had many conversations of things we had in common over the few days of Doxology.

Sarah and Preston, my CUW friends. I hadn't seen them since we moved to MN. They also live in MN but in a complete different part of the state-probably 6 hours away. 

This is Teresa, a pastor's wife in the same circuit as us. One of her husband's churches is closer to one of Ram's churches than to the second of her husband's churches. 

This is the pastor and his wife of my sister's former church in SC. Evelyn became a second mom to my sister. My sister is very close to the Burgers. I had never met them before Doxology. They had never been away from their children before either. I'm so glad they were able to come to Doxology and I was able to meet them.

I believe these were all the female Loopers at Doxology
Ewe, Glenda, Beth Speers
(Glenda forgot her camera so some of these photos are posted for her)

I had been reading this blog for awhile. It was so nice to meet  Emommy! Emommy is expecting her first girl. I had some girl items here and decided to pass them on to someone who could use them instead of sit in a box. It was embarrassing to have so many girl items when I've never had a girl before! She was thrilled to receive baby girl clothes-after 2 boys they are going to have fun with dresses/pink/other girly items!

Adriane, the editor of Lutheran Witness. We had a nice chat over lunch one day of Doxology. We talked about what our members would like to see in Lutheran Witness. Who knows, maybe after our lunch Ram will be asked to write an article? Adriane came just to participate in Doxology and be a journalist. It was wonderful to have her give up her weekend and participate with us. 

This is Jennifer, one of my close CUW friends. Seeing each other at Doxology saved at least one several hour phone call, but we still talk on the phone a few times a year and those talks turn into several hour talks. Saturday was her 17th wedding anniversary. I went to her wedding. I'm having a difficult time accepting that was 17 years ago. 

Our LCMS President, Pastor and Kathy Harrison, joined us for the whole weekend. We took this photo after church on Saturday night. There was a wine and cheese reception after church. I walked back to the reception with the Harrisons and then we waited in line to get our treats together. From our conversation I could tell the weekend was as good for the Harrisons as it was for the Doxology participants. Everyone in the Synodical office is working so hard-17 hour days are the norm. It was so good to spend the weekend together as a couple away from other responsibilities. I was glad to get the chance to speak to them together on Saturday night. It was also a good reminder to continue to keep the Harrisons, their marriage, and their boys in our prayers.

There were others that I didn't get a photo, but it was fun to see again. Rev. Juhl, the Uttenreithers, and other Seminary friends.

So LCMS friends, in this small LCMS world, who do you know in these photos?

Being a rural pastor's wife post #30

I may occasionally add something when I think of it, but today is my last planned post in this series. Thank you to all who commented or those few people that I had a conversation about this series.

I remember when we lived here about two years, I talked to a former pastor of one of the congregations here. I was introduced to him as the current pastor's wife. In front of the whole church he asked me, "Do you like it here?" I had to think quickly on how to answer that. At that point I really did not like living here. It had been too much of a change to leave a big city and come here. My answer (which was the best I could do under pressure) was that we loved the people here and the church members and locals were so kind to us. I completely avoided the rest of the question.

I think if I was asked the same question today, I would still answer about the people being kind to us, but I would have a few more blessings to talk about after living here 8 years. If my husband were to get a Call to another church tomorrow, it would be difficult to leave living here, especially the people but other things about living here have grown on me. All of our Lambs were born while we lived here. It really is a nice to place to raise the Lambs even though I didn't see that when we first moved here. I have adapted to living here. There is more to life than what is offered in big cities. I know now that I can be happy no matter where we live.

If you are a rural pastor's wife struggling with where you live, I want to leave you with these 3 pieces of advice.
1. Don't feel guilty-not if you don't like living where you live; if you can't get fresh produce for your kids; if you spend way more on groceries than you should; if there aren't any kids to invite to your child's birthday party; and the list could go on and on. Do the best you can do in your rural area.
2. Pray and then pray some more. Confess your sins if you have been a poor miserable sinner about the situation you are in. (I acted terrible when we first moved here-complaining to ANYONE that would listen about our situation of living 1 1/2 hours away from Walmart.) Ask God to help you "adapt" to the situation you are in. Thank God for the blessings you have where you live. (Yes, every place has blessings, you may just have to think longer to figure out what the blessings are!) Ask God to show you the blessings for where you live if you don't see them. Ask God to help you solve the "problems" that you have where you live-provide friends; money to buy things that cost more; or whatever problems rural living makes for your family. Pray for strength to not complain to your husband all the time, but instead to help him be the best pastor for the congregation(s) he has been placed at as their shepherd. Pray for strength to be the best in all your roles as wife, mother, church member, etc. Ask God for help for all the situations that come up with living far from family-vacations, holidays, birth of your children, etc. Pray for the things specific to your situation that I can't list here.
3. Read your Bible. Go to receive the Sacrament of Holy Communion whenever it is offered (even if your rural church only offers it once a month!) to get strength to continue living where God has placed you.

May the Lord bless and keep us rural pastor's wives and our families!

Being a rural pastor's wife post #29

Today I want to blog about something that I knew before I started this series, but the comments left here reinforced it for me.

Everyone's situation is different. You may be a rural pastor's wife that lives in:
*a small town
*with no neighbors
*a little larger town but still in a rural area

Where you live may be:
*near another small town
*near several other small towns
*near a large town
*in a rural area but not far from a big city
*truly out in the middle of nowhere

Your comfort level living in a rural place may be influenced by where you grew up and where you lived before you moved to the rural area.

If I was to pick my dream area, I would pick a rural area not far from a big city. But I'm not able to pick where we live, our family lives where my husband has been Called to be the pastor. God's plan is for us to live here now so that my husband can be the pastor for the saints in this rural area. Thinking of that makes this the perfect place now for our family to live.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #28

I know that I have talked about shopping local before, but I went grocery shopping today in the town 7 miles away and I was reminded of this.

Pros to shopping at the local grocery store
*Drive up and high school age boy puts groceries IN your car-much appreciated when you have young children! And if you decline drive up they will often send that boy to walk out to your car with you when they see you have young children with you.
*Much easier to find items in the small local store than in a big store. Store workers will help you if you ask.
*Don't have to pay for gas for a long trip to a store.
*MUCH less hassle to go shopping and come home and unload your groceries-no need to worry about keeping things cold or unload a whole car full of stuff from shopping or take stuff to entertain Lambs in car, etc.
*Sometimes have items that are difficult to find at bigger grocery stores
*Have the best glazed donuts and this former Dunkin Donuts employee is picky!

Cons to shopping at the local grocery store
*More expensive
*Except for in the summer, the produce section is the best they can do when things have to be trucked out here-worst in the winter when weather may hold up trucks to the local store.
*When they run out of an item, there is no other store to stop at-you wait until next week when they get the next shipment in and hope that it is in the next shipment-especially frustrating when they are out of an item on sale.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #27

Thank you to all who commented on my last post. It is clear to me that even some of you in bigger towns have difficulties with the library. Others appreciate their library more after reading my post.
Recently Loopers discussed Sunday School so I thought I would tell how our family handles Sunday School. In our tri-parish there is only one church that has children near the ages of the Lambs, so that is the church that I attend during the school year so the Lambs can go to Sunday School.
First there is a Sunday School opening which is very simple but nice. I take Lamb 3 to this even though he is not old enough for Sunday School. It has invocation (children do sign of cross), a Bible verse (their memory work) to focus on, sing a hymn (work on about 1 hymn a month), children take turns taking the offering (which goes to Lutheran Island Camp), sing "We Give Thee But Thine Own" during offering, prayer (usually repeat after teacher), and then they go to their class. The Lambs love the routine of the opening. Lamb 1 and 2 are in a class with one other boy their age. There is one more class with just one girl in it (unless we have visitors). I'm not sure what we will do when Lamb 3 is old enough for Sunday School (next fall) plus there is another girl about his age. Sometimes Lamb 2 is a little young for the activities (especially reading or writing) so the teacher assistant helps him more than Lamb 1 and the other boy in class. They use CPH materials. I have been very impressed with the recent CPH materials-they are nothing like CPH materials when I was in Sunday School! (Disclaimer-I'm a little bias since Deaconess Nielsen's daughter was in my second grade class-but they really are great materials.) We often listen to the Sunday School CDs on the way to church too.
The Lambs have a wonderful Sunday School teacher that is so patient with the little ones and has always been their Sunday School teacher. She is over 80 years old and does a wonderful job. I can't imagine teaching a class of all boys. There is another woman that assists her and they sometimes have a sub when one of those two women can't be there. I am so thankful that these church members still serve by teaching Sunday School even though they are older. Most Sundays they also get a treat-either tied to the lesson (example: grapes when they talk about the Promised Land) or homemade. The Lambs love Sunday School, their teachers, and the treats! I know our Sunday School is small, but I'm so glad that the Lambs are being taught their Bible stories. Sunday School is before church even when the rotation is middle service so Sunday School is pretty early considering we have to drive out to the country.
Sadly one of our churches is very willing to continue having Sunday School but no kids attend. The other church has Sunday School but the kids that attend are much older than our Lambs. We are thankful that there is another family at the one church with children near the ages of the Lambs for them to attend Sunday School together.
I still have a few more topics for this rural pastor's wife series that will be continued soon.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #26

I recently had a conversation about our public library and our home library that I thought I would share here. The homeschooler that I was talking to made the comment that she really appreciates the public library and especially inter-library loan. If she had to pay to use the inter-library loan, she doesn't know how she would homeschool.
I live 7 miles from the public library. Most days the hours are 12-8 but some days the hours are 10-3. It seems like we are always in town either before the library opens or after it closes. There has been talk of changing the hours to even less because of budget cuts. When Lamb 1 was little we went to library storytime. Not very many people showed up on Saturday morning so they quit having storytime. There is a summer reading program where they do a craft, read a story, get prizes for reading. The summer program has improved since we first started going, but again because of budget cuts, they may need to cut that too. Last summer we returned a library book on the day of summer program and it got lost on that crazy day and they said we didn't return it. It took awhile to get straightened out that we did return it. When I ordered things inter-library loan, they took a long time to come in and when they finally did, we were only allowed a little time before they were due to go back to the library (usually in the Twin Cities). If it was a book in our local system, then the whole process worked fine. But I asked for some books that weren't in our local system and that's where the problems came. DVDS are due back the next day after you check it out and it is rare for us to make a trip to town two days in a row. I have to really want to watch a movie to check out a DVD because I know I will need to make an extra trip to town.
We try to attend the summer reading program activities and throughout the year occasionally they have other activities/authors come in (thank you to our state sales tax increase a few years ago for this!) that we try to attend. But other than that, I am glad that the public library is there for others in the community to use, but we don't use the library. I'm sure other homeschoolers and even other SAHMs can't understand that! The reasons in the last paragraph are why. I'm sure the day is coming where the Lambs need/want to study topics that we don't have books about. But we have such an extensive library on all kinds of topics, that we are not at that point yet. I started a few months ago with the goal to read every picture book (just the fiction, not science or history books etc.) that we own to the Lambs. We are going in alphabetical order by author. We are currently on letter L-not even half way through the alphabet!
The one thing I use the local libraries for is for their book sales. It is not uncommon for me to buy 60-80 books at these book sales. I like the books about science especially-just watch for topics in science that would become outdated, but studying animals or magnets, etc. doesn't get outdated. I watch for a couple of different community libraries and they usually have a book sale once or twice a year. Some just ask for a donation, others ask for an average of 50 cents per book.
I know I am a library snob after my experience living in Fort Wayne and working at the public library there. When I was teaching every few weeks I would order online about 50 books and put them on hold and pick them up a few days later. I rarely bought books unless I had checked them out of the library and read them and decided I wanted to own them. I wouldn't own so many books in our home library if I could get them from the library easier.
Another positive is the Lambs choose for me to read them books that our in our home library. The times that we have checked out books from the public library, there have been problems-I don't want to read books with bad grammar or against my Christian morals or just plain stupid books. I also don't have to worry about fines for lost or late books. They do check out books for a few weeks in the summer so they get the experience of using the library without me worrying about the hassles of the library the rest of the year.
It is clear to me that if you live in a rural area you will either use the public library a lot (especially inter-library loan) or not very much like me. It would probably work better if our small town was near a big city to be part of their inter-library loan system. But there are no big cities in our local system so the books coming from the local system are all from other small town libraries. It is possible for me to get books inter-library loan outside of the local system, but it is not very easy.
So, if you live rural, do you use your library a lot or is it too difficult to use it frequently?
Come back tomorrow for another rural pastor's wife post.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #25

I took my own advice and the last two Friday mornings I have gone to quilting with the ladies from church. I was only able to have coffee/treats and quilt for a couple of hours-not stay for lunch, because Ram had visits with members to make in the afternoon. It was fun to get together with the ladies (who are all old enough to be my mom or grandma). I liked to get out with the purpose of doing something-tie quilts. I'm also learning a little bit about quilting too.
I asked one of the quilting women about what she did to get time to herself when she had young children. She laughed at that question. She said there was far too much work on the farm and at home when she had young children to even think about time to herself. I asked if she had the neighbor over for coffee or something like that. Her answer shocked me-she never would have considered having a woman over to her house without also inviting the husband. Then on the rare time that a couple came, there were always farm chores to be done so the couple wouldn't stay long. She reminded me that even in the winter there was a ton of work to be done, it was just different work than summer work.
She also said that times have changed and we have a lot more to deal with when we raise our children today than she did then-I assumed that she meant how technology is in our lives but I didn't ask her to explain more. But she also sounded like she can't understand this "need" for moms to get time alone because she didn't get time to herself when she had young children. It was not all about her. I asked her about where she got advice for parenting-as compared to today I get advice from our family or look on the internet or ask my e-mail buddies. She laughed at that question too-what kind of advice did I need as a parent? She said she would talk things over with her husband and generally they just figured things out-even if it wasn't the best way or if it took her longer-things always worked out. I really respect her and her husband for taking this approach to parenting. I'm sure they talked things over and prayed about it and then left the rest in the Lord's hands.
I've thought about this conversation a lot in the last week. I know I only talked to one woman about this and perhaps I'll ask some more ladies at church these same questions. I doubt that this woman is abnormal in this area and especially not for the time that she was raising children. My how far we have come since her children were little and I'm not sure we've come far in a good way.
So what am I thinking after this conversation? I'm going to try to go to quilting as often as possible (which is not every week because of Ram's schedule plus they only quilt in the winter). I like that time getting some "wisdom" from the older women and volunteering at the same time. After talking to her, I also don't feel like it is abnormal to not feel that "need" to go to play group that many of my friends have talked about. If the older women in this rural area survived without play group, I can do it too. I know this paragraph sounds crazy because when I go to quilting I am getting a little time to myself away from the Lambs. But it is a different time away from the Lambs than play group would be.
I would encourage you to ask questions like I asked this woman at quilting to an older woman in your area. I would be very curious if her answers are typical for someone her age AND for someone in an urban area or just for the rural areas. I think some times we forget about what a blessing the older women in our churches are. Instead of complaining that there is only one other mom with kids in similar age to the Lambs in our tri-parish, I should be thankful that all the rest of the church women have "been there done that".
Check back tomorrow for more posts about being a rural pastor's wife.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #24

I have a few more comments/topics to address about being a rural pastor's wife, but I thought I would take a break today and answer some comments that have been made about my rural pastor's wife series. I chose to not comment back on most of the posts that comments were made on-I just waited to address them here.
1. Thank you to those of you who left comments on this series. It's helpful to me to know that I'm not alone in some of this. Actually the most helpful comments were from those of you that don't live in rural areas but still do some of the same things-like stocking your pantry. It's not too late to add more comments on any of the posts in this series if you want to!
2. Helpful Teacher asked about my salad dressing recipes. I just picked some out of the cookbook-nothing fancy. The Lambs particularly like homemade poppy seed dressing with oranges and walnuts on spinach or lettuce. I only use walnuts because that is what I usually have, I think it would be good with almonds too.
3. Agnusdei1996 talked about the difference between our situations and how she doesn't miss/think about many things that I talk about in my posts. I don't know if I've stressed this in my posts, but the difficulty I have with being here is that I came from the second largest town in IN to a town of 113. There is no grocery store, place to buy gas, or bank in our town. I lived in Fort Wayne from 1989-2003 with the exception of 4 years at college but coming home on breaks. I learned how to drive in a big city and quickly got used to borrowing the family car to make a quick run to Target or the bank. I didn't have a car my first two years of college so I did shopping when I came home on breaks. When I was teaching I would run all over town to multiple stores to get supplies for my classroom. My other difficulty is that living in a small town would be easier for me if it was within 1 hour of a big city. I have a friend that was in that situation and she constantly complained about being one whole hour away from the city. She has now moved and would probably like to be back in that situation of only one hour away. But living 3 hours away from a big city, 4 hours from a really big city, and driving 1 1/2 hours to just get to a big town is difficult for me. I am thankful for the Internet and being able to buy things online or it would be even more difficult for me to live here. I'm don't mean this to sound like I'm complaining, because I am happy that Ram currently has a Call and the people are so nice to us here and I could go on and on about our blessings of living here (see some of the previous posts in this series). I also know that there is more to life than shopping. But that doesn't change that it was really difficult for me to adapt to living here when we first moved here as it was so different from where I came from. It really has become better since we moved here almost 8 years ago and I got used to it.
4. Esther commented that she wouldn't be able to survive without play dates and that she needed time to get together with her friends. I have a college friend that told me that once too. I think it is a blessing that we moved here before we had children, so I have no idea what I am missing with play dates because I've never had them. My comment to my college friend was that if she was in a similar situation as myself, she really could survive without play dates, even if she didn't like it. I learned things to do without having play dates.
Esther's other comment was that kids have to come in contact with germs some times. I agree and I'm sorry if the post sounded like I was truly afraid of germs and trying to keep my kids in a bubble so they didn't get sick. That was not the way it was intended. What I meant was this-when we used to have a babysitter come once a week, every week during the winter on the morning of babysitting day-we would have to call each other and make sure that we were all healthy enough for her to come over. Neither one of our families just wanted to pass germs back and forth and be sick all winter. Every week the day before babysitting day, I would think about if the runny noses were too bad to have her come etc. Her mom did the same thing with her before she came to our house. About once a month during the winter one of us would be too sick to get together and then I missed out on a babysitter. I'm thinking that the same thing would happen with play group. We did not go to ECFE last fall and it has not begun yet this spring. We were not sick with any major sickness so far this season. Our friends with kids in the area have been sick a lot this season. We still go to Sunday School and out to community events, so they had chances to get sick. But it wasn't the one hour every week in a room full of kids chance to get sick that they had at ECFE. The part of play group that I wouldn't want is the DECISION about healthy kids. I hope this explained this better.
Come back tomorrow as I continue this series on being a rural pastor's wife.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #23

Today I am going to discuss holidays and family visits. First I will explain what our family does. Ram's parents usually come and spend Thanksgiving with us. They would rather not come at Christmas or Easter when Ram is super busy with church. They try to also come in the spring for a visit, but that doesn't always work out since Ram's dad is not retired yet. Ewe's parents try to come 2 or 3 times a year. Ewe's parents are retired but Ewe's dad teaches a weekly Bible study that he doesn't like to miss. Last year they came for Easter and they enjoyed celebrating Holy Week at our small churches. They may try to come for Easter again this year. Sometimes Ewe's parents come when Ram has a conference to help Ewe with the Lambs. A consideration for when all of our family visits is when the least chance of snow/bad weather is. Ewe's sister tried to come visit us once a year. We would help her pay for a plane ticket because it is easier for her to come to us than for us to go to her. It was always tricky to figure out when she would visit because we live 3-4 hours away from the airport so she needed to arrive a time we could pick her up and depart a time we could take her back. This became a whole day to pick her up and take her back. It was always worth it to see her though. We won't see her at until at least October this year because she is in South Korea for a year. I have read many blogs that discuss holidays for a pastor's family so I won't repeat the whole discussion here. The fact is that we are too far from family to celebrate any holidays with them unless they come here. Ram is too busy on the major holidays to spend much time with family that visits. Here are a few ideas that we either do or I have heard that other pastors do for the holidays.
1. Celebrate at a different time of the year. If your family can only come in July then have Christmas in July. I think it would be fun to play Christmas music, have a Christmas tree, make Christmas cookies, and eat a Christmas dinner with the whole family in July. I have heard some locals here celebrate Christmas in October when they don't have to worry about weather and people can get off of work easier. Ram's family would love for us to make the tradition to celebrate the 4th of July with them each year and make that a big holiday that we always spend together. Instead of celebrating Christmas with your family on Christmas day, do it on Epiphany when things have died down at church a little bit (and depending on weather, maybe a lot). Last week we made a whole turkey dinner (turkey, mashed potatoes/gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, pumpkin pie, lemon pie) just for our family to enjoy. Ram and Ewe plan to celebrate their 10th anniversary a little early this summer when Ewe's parents can babysit the Lambs.
2. Make your own traditions. Since it will just be your family at home for the major holidays, start traditions that your children can have done each year. Some traditions our family has done and would like to continue: Small gifts in the stockings for the 12 days of Christmas and a big gift on Epiphany. We eat crepes and lingonberries for Christmas and special snack foods-not a big Christmas meal. After 2 church services on New Year's Eve, we let the Lambs stay up a little later and have special snacks and pop (rare treat here). We make cut out cookies for several holidays each year. We have a party with special snacks and non-alcoholic pina colatas when Ewe gets the taxes done. We make a special breakfast for Valentine's Day. We decorate Easter eggs the day before Easter. We try to go out to eat for Mother's and Father's Day and if that doesn't work then we make a nice meal at home. We grill out hamburgers the first warm day in spring. We celebrate the Lamb baptism birthdays. The list could go on with a little planning and creativity.
3. I had the idea to celebrate the birthdays of our parents and my sister even though they aren't here. My idea was to have a birthday cake or special dessert on their birthdays. Last year we had a steak dinner and birthday cake on my sister's birthday even though she wasn't here. We have corn on my dad's birthday because he loves corn. We haven't done this a whole lot, but I like that the Lambs will learn when our family has birthdays even though we can't celebrate together. It's fun to e-mail a photo to them of their birthday dinner too! It's fun to break up the daily routine with this, especially because all the Lambs have spring birthdays so we can have birthday cake in the fall in honor of the grandmas.
4. We try to call our family often, but we make sure to call them on holidays and birthdays. A phone call means a lot to them. The Lambs understand when their birthday is when we call them on their day after we have sent their present a long time before so they could get it in time for their birthday.
Do you have any traditions or ideas to celebrate the holidays?
Check back tomorrow for more tips about being a rural pastor's wife.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #22

Happy Birthday to Ewe's dad today!
I am going to talk about family vacations today. My parents live 2 days drive and Ram's parents live 3 days drive away. My sister is currently in South Korea after several years in South Carolina. We have no other living siblings. My sister came to visit us, but we never visited her since we moved here almost 8 years ago.
What we have tried to do with vacation time is one week to my parents, one week to CA to Ram's one living grandparent and Ram's parents come to CA the same time as us, and some years one week to a LCMS conference for Ram and we tag along and see friends. Many years it doesn't work to go to the conference. Unfortunately our parents live in two different directions so we can't do one big vacation and see everyone. We fly to CA and drive to Ewe's parents. Even flying to CA is difficult because we live 3-4 hours away from the airport. Because Ram has a tri-parish it is very difficult for him to be gone on Sunday. We try to time vacations that we are back for Sunday with the exception of one Sunday a year to go to my parents-it's too far to drive there and back if we didn't miss one Sunday. But our CA trips are usually back by Saturday night. Once I went without Ram with my parents and the Lambs to a wedding in CO. When I got back we both decided we don't want to do vacations without each other again.
1. For our trips to my parents, I plan for weeks before we go. I don't do Facebook so it is the old fashioned way of snail mail to the older people, e-mail to the younger people. Our last vacation we went to Fort Wayne, Saint Louis, and back to Fort Wayne before we came home. It actually worked to see everyone in our limited time without using Facebook. On this trip we saw 1 church friend from my single days, got haircuts with our "family beautician", 3 college friend families, 3 high school friend families, 1 Seminary friend family, several church friends from where Ewe taught, Ewe's last living great-uncle, Lamb 3's godfather, Lamb 2's godfather, played at the new Fort Wayne Seminary playground, went to the "new" public library, went to a splash pad, went to the Fort Wayne zoo, and of course spent time with Ewe's parents and sister. We also saw several friends at the installation service at St. Louis, but I'm not counting them in this tally. It was a lot of work to contact everyone and work out a time to see everyone and do everything we wanted to do. It was definitely worth the planning.
We also plan a few restaurants to make sure to go eat at. This is our chance to eat out at Fort Wayne restaurants. We also planned a time to have my parents babysit the Lambs so we could go to Hyde Brothers book store and out for lunch at the restaurant where we went out on our first date.
I sent my dad a tentative schedule for our vacation before we went. He thought we were trying to do too much in too little time, especially considering the ages of our Lambs. It all worked out. I treasure the time that we spent with friends and family on our last vacation and it helps me to get to our next vacation.
2. I would encourage you to set a tentative date (and where) for your next vacation even if that date is 2 years away. We went to Fort Wayne when Lamb 3 was a few months old. We did not return for over 2 years. When we decided to take our next vacation and Ram talked to the elders of each church to tell them the dates we would be gone, the elders were surprised it had been that long since I had been "home". It was a huge relief to me to have a date to look forward to. My parents had come here, but I hadn't been "home". As soon as I had the date I started planning even though it was too early to start contacting people about possible times to get together. I started thinking about places we wanted to go-possibilities for fall if the weather was nice, people that we wanted to see, restaurants we wanted to eat at. I didn't realize how much I needed this until I actually was planning it. It will be a long time before we go back to Fort Wayne, but I'm already thinking about places to take the Lambs next time.
3. I think by the way that I plan vacations, we probably see some friends more often than if we lived in the same town. I know I rarely got together with some of my high school friends when we lived in Fort Wayne, but they made time to get together when I visited last September.
4. Maybe some day we'll be at the point where we can take a vacation to go sightseeing around the USA, but in the meantime our way of doing family vacations will have to do. I'm not going to give up seeing our family when we only see them a few times a year as it is. There are so many places that I would like to take the Lambs as part of our homeschool education. We also have friends all over the country. I am jealous of friends who live within one day drive of at least one set of parents-that would be so helpful for us. Lamb 3 has never been to Ram's parents house and Lamb 2 doesn't remember ever being there. I think it is terrible that our Lambs don't even know what it is like to go to the home of one set of grandparents. Maybe some day we'll be able to go more of these places. For now, it is important to us to go to see our family.
5. I would also encourage you to find the time to take a short overnight trip with the family some times. We went to Mayo for Ram's check up in January. We stayed at a hotel two nights. He had doctor appointments, but we didn't have any other scheduled things for 3 days and the church members knew we were going to be gone that whole time. It was really fun to have no schedule-just swim at the hotel, do some shopping, eat out at a little nicer restaurants, etc. I didn't realize that I needed this break until we were there. Since our family vacations are usually very scheduled to make the most of our limited time with our family, this was a nice short get away. I hope to find time to do this again once or twice a year.
So how do you deal with family vacations?
Check back tomorrow for more tips about being a rural pastor's wife.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #21

Today I'm going to discuss Ram and Ewe "together time". I suppose I could look at my situation that I'm stuck in the house with just my family and rarely have visitors. I choose to look at my situation that I GET to stay in the house with just Ram and the Lambs.
Ram and I have never been away overnight together without the Lambs. We have only had babysitters a few times where we didn't have any Lambs with us. Last summer we did get a babysitter and go pick blueberries together. Last vacation my parents watched the Lambs and we went to a bookstore and to the restaurant where we went on our first date. But those dates without Lambs are just once or twice a year.
Ram and I started to have "together time" a few years ago. We try to both stop what we are doing and spend from 10-11pm together. The Lambs are always asleep by then and it's a good time to take a break-usually me from housework and him from reading/studying. During together time we try to do devotions (Compline) together and then spend the rest of together time "on a date". Sometimes we watch movies (episodes of Julia Child and Cosby Show are recent ones we have watched a lot). Sometimes we just talk. Sometimes we play games. We almost always have several nights around New Year's Eve where we play several rounds of the game Life. Sometimes we'll fix a snack and eat it together without sharing with the Lambs. Sometimes we'll have a glass of wine together.
We don't do together time every night although we intend to. Sometimes one of us is working on a project and we don't do together time. But our goal is to do it every night. Before we started together time we still had TV. Our normal routine was to both do our work (me-housework, Ram-write sermons etc.) and then sit in front of the TV until we were tired and we crashed into bed. I was so glad when we started together time that we broke this daily cycle. I treasure this time with Ram each night. It recharges me for another day of teaching/working with/parenting the Lambs. I'm glad to get the privilege to spend time together.
Come back tomorrow for more about being a rural pastor's wife.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #20

1. The state of MN has Early Childhood Family Education classes offered at the schools for children up to age 5. The usual format is to read a story, parents and children do art project and possibly science experiment together, then children play while parents discuss a parenting topic. I was impressed with ECFE when we did attend regularly. We did not start to attend regularly until after Lamb 3 was born. While I was pregnant I was hesitant to go to a room full of kids with possible germs each week. Before Lamb 3 was born, I was just too overwhelmed to add in a commitment to take the Lambs up to the school each week. Perhaps we missed the ideal time to take Lamb 1 to ECFE. Lamb 1 is too old now. The teachers are willing to let him attend, but I see him so much older than the other children that I don't really want him to attend. Most parents stop bringing their children to ECFE after they go to preschool. So Lamb 1 and 2 seem much older than the other kids that attend. The first year of ECFE the topics for the parenting part were good. After that, the topics seemed to be the same. I know we can always improve our parenting skills, but often the topics did not apply to me (with all boys, more than 1 child, regularly attend church, homeschool, no TV, etc.). For all these reasons we are not attending regularly any more. The teacher spoke to me about possibly teaching ECFE (the student part while the teacher taught the parent part). I'm considering this as it might be the answer for us for ECFE-especially Lamb 3 is missing out on what the other Lambs had by us not going to ECFE. We'll see. Anyway, see if your state offers anything similar to ECFE at the school. (I believe that MN has a unique program, but it's worth checking into.)
2. I want to post this in full disclosure of what there is to do in our local community. One of the neighboring communities received a grant to do early childhood education events/education. This often partners with ECFE, but does it's own events. They have now spent most of their grant money and now they are working on raising money to continue to do events for the children in the community. Ram is not an official board member, but he often attends their meetings. They love to have a dad at the meetings to get his perspective and ideas. This group was perfect for our Lambs-when it started all 3 of our Lambs were in the 0-5 age group. Some events they have done are field trip to farm; big toys day-bring in construction equipment, fire truck, etc. and let them pretend to drive them; dad/child reading nights, etc. We are thankful that our local community decided to do this and know that if we were even one community over from where we live, we probably wouldn't be close enough to participate in many of their events. We will miss this when all the Lambs are too old. Many of the events don't cost that much-just need some one to plan them and the community to participate.
3. I'm actually glad that there aren't children in this area with SAHM moms to set up play dates with. My Lambs have learned to play with their brothers well. I don't have to deal with discipline of another child/ren at my house. I don't have to clean up my house for them to come over. I don't have decide if my child is sick if we should cancel the play date. I don't worry about getting their germs if they don't know they are sick. Would it be nice to have another mom to come over and chat while the Lambs play with her child? Yes. Do I think it would be worth the hassle? No. Do I want to drive my kids some where else (either another child's house or some place in the community) to go to a play date? No.
Check back tomorrow for more about being a rural pastor's wife.
Do you have any final thoughts about being a rural pastor's wife with children?

Being a rural pastor's wife post #19

I have a few more random thoughts about being a rural pastor's wife with young children.
1. I've noticed on blogs moms that become stay at home moms sometimes blog about the things they miss from their working days. I moved here at a good time for me to transition from working outside of the home to staying at home which ended up being a good time to start a family. I am so thankful that I did not have the morning sickness when I was hospitalized and also work outside of the home at that time! But there are many times that I blog about and think about my life in the big city vs. living rural. It's not quite mourning the loss of living in the city, but almost. I miss that I can not attend concerts/big church services. I miss that my boys can not attend concerts with professional symphonies/orchestras. I could go on and on about things that I miss and the Lambs do not have opportunities to do while we live here. But those moms that blog about what they miss about their working days also blog about what they like about being a SAHM. They also blog about how thankful they are to be a SAHM. I miss many things about the city, but I'm also glad for many things about rural life.
2. I recently commented on a blog of a friend of mine with 8 year old boys who just had their birthday. She listed their presents and I didn't even know what some of their presents were-I just had a general idea. (I did know what the fishing pole and tackle box were though!) I'm thankful that in our rural living with homeschooled Lambs, that they don't even know about the latest fads and gadgets and toys to ask for them. I'm thankful that they were thrilled to receive Tinker Toys for Christmas from Great Grandma. I hope this "innocence" for toys lasts for a long time at our house. I think it will last longer while we live here than if we moved to a bigger town.
3. Living in a rural place has encouraged me (almost forced me) to take the time to do fun things/play with the Lambs/start some new family traditions. I don't think that if we lived in a bigger town that we would do some of the things that we do with the Lambs. I think they will remember some of this when they grow up. For example: We always have a "party" when I get our taxes done. I'm sure they will remember the "taxes are done" parties more than if we went out to eat at a restaurant. I get out the supplies to paint and do messy art projects-I probably wouldn't do that if they could go to play group once a week and do that. We play a lot more board games/card games as a family than I think we would if we lived in a bigger town. I'm thankful to be making these memories with the Lambs now that will hopefully last for their lifetime.
4. I believe that living here has strengthened my relationship with my inlaws. Although she's not a pastor's wife, Ram's mom goes 1 1/2 hours to do regular shopping and 3 hours to do major shopping just like I do. She has given me some tips for shopping and living a rural life. Sometimes we spent hours on the phone where she tried to give me advice to raise the Lambs giving her advice after raising 3 boys of her own. I'm not sure if I lived in a bigger town if I would have talked to her about some of this-perhaps I would have had other moms to talk to about these issues. Nor would I have had the rural living in common with her. I have many friends who don't get along with their mother in law. I can't imagine that from my experience. I'm sure this will not be the case for every rural pastor's wife, but perhaps being a rural pastor's wife will strengthen another relationship in your life even if it is not your inlaws or parents.
Check back tomorrow for one more day of discussing being a rural pastor's wife with young children.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #18

We are working on potty training Lamb 3 this week so I don't have any time to blog without many interruptions. I also have "mommy brain" as it's all I can do to potty train and attempt to homeschool too this week. So when Loopers started to discuss being home with your kids all the time, I thought that was a good thing to post about today while I'm discussing being a mom with young children as a rural pastor's wife.
Ram's parents live a 3 day drive away (and with kids it is really pushing it to do it in 3 days) and my parents live a 2 day drive away. I have been blessed that after the birth of all of my Lambs, either my mom or Ram's mom came to be with us for a few weeks. I am extra blessed that my mom came to be with Lamb 1 and 2 when Lamb 2 and 3 were born-and especially that she was here before they were born. I don't know what we would have done if they would have been born before she would have made it here. I delivered Lamb 2 and 3 45 minutes away (and this was closer than Lamb 1 1 1/2 hours away!). I had my last miscarriage when Ram was out of town and it was really difficult to find people to watch the Lambs while I went to a few doctor appointments. I know that finding someone to watch your children when you go to the hospital to have a baby is a big concern for many rural pastor wives.
I see local moms here that take their kids to Grandma's so they can have a night out occasionally. Some of the grandmas are the daycare-either every day or at least once a week. One Grandma took her grandson to cooking class when I took Lamb 2 last week. We did have a dilemma even for cooking class because one adult was required for each kid. Someone had to stay home and watch Lamb 3 because he was too little to attend. So I took Lamb 2 last week and I'm hoping they don't cancel cooking class for lack of attendance so I can take Lamb 1 this week. It would have been so much easier if Grandma could have taken one and I took one and Ram stayed home with one. I couldn't imagine the mom that sent one with Grandma and didn't even go herself to cooking class.
I have never been away overnight without at least one Lamb since Lamb 1 was born. I hear moms talk about how they need their short breaks away-either a cup of coffee with friends or an overnight weekend away.  Living in this rural place neither one of those is possible. It is 1 1/2 hours to Starbucks or Caribou Coffee so I'm not going for a quick cup of coffee. Neither do I have any local friends to go for a cup of coffee. I need to use the babysitters that are difficult to find for when I really need them, not for a night out with my friends.
Once I went to IA (with Lamb 3) for one overnight with Loopers. I probably spent as much time driving there as I spent there.  Before I went I didn't do any of the preparation before a trip that moms would usually do. I didn't cook anything ahead of time and leave it for Ram to warm up. I didn't even clean up the kitchen before I left. But what I did have to do, was line up a back up to babysit Lamb 1 and 2 in case Ram would have to go visit someone in an emergency (and especially if it was a  middle of the night emergency). That was no easy task to find someone that planned to be home most of the two days I would be gone and also wouldn't mind a middle of the night phone call. Thankfully there was no emergency and Ram didn't have to call her, but I had to have some one lined up. I also had to come back on Saturday, I couldn't stay overnight on Saturday because someone had to watch the Lambs while Ram did 3 services on Sunday. I was jealous of the moms that were able to stay for the whole weekend. Then last year when the Loopers got together, Ram had a meeting out of town so I wasn't able to stay overnight at all. I didn't think it was wise to leave the little Lambs with a babysitter when both Ram and I were out of town. I drove 4 hours round trip to spend about 4 hours with them, not spend the night.
Here's a few ways that I cope with being with my children all the time:
1. I continually remind myself that the pregnant/breastfeeding/toddler time really will end. Currently I've had the last 1 1/2 years without nursing any one. There really will be a time when I can go away and Lamb 1 could watch the other Lambs if Ram had an emergency. There really will be a time when I can go to the bathroom without every boy leaving their toys to come check and see what I'm doing. There really will be a time when all 3 can sit in the pew at church with someone else watching them besides me while Ram is the pastor. I bet that time will come faster than I think it will.
2. I know that every mom is different and her needs may be different than mine. I would rather stay home than go out. So my "need" is time at home without watching the Lambs. This is almost impossible when we live rural-where is Ram going to take the Lambs? It's not completely impossible though. For a few years we had a babysitter-a homeschooled girl that came once a week to our home. She watched the Lambs while I mainly did stuff at home, once and awhile I would run to the town 7 miles away and run errands. I loved this time-sometimes I took a nap, sometimes I cleaned without helpers, sometimes I tried to catch up on correspondence without interruptions, etc. She moved away and I miss this. I'm am trying to line up another homeschooler to do this again, but I haven't been successful yet. I preferred the one afternoon a week babysitter to having a cleaning lady!
Sometimes there will be an event in the community (library or dad's reading night, etc.) and now that all the Lambs are old enough Ram will take all three and give me one evening home alone. This has only been recently-before I had one Lamb while he took the others. Sometimes Ram will run an errand with all the Lambs and give me a few minutes home alone. Sometimes Ram will take everyone to the post office and then take them to the town park to play afterwards to give me a little more time. I really appreciate these chances even if they are not often or for long.
3. A few times a year, I have two friends that live far away that I call and we talk for hours. Even if I can't get out for a cup of coffee, I can still talk to them. We usually talk way too late and I regret it the next day when I'm tired, but I really need this time. I think sometimes with e-mail and Facebook etc. we don't make the phone calls any more.
4. After the Lambs go to bed, Ram and I do our own things for a couple of hours and then we try to have together time (devotions and talk). If I can get the Lambs to bed on time (which doesn't always happen), it is comforting for me to know that I can have about 2 hours alone. Sometimes I'm interrupted with a request from the Lambs before they fall asleep, but I have most of that time.
5. I haven't done it recently, but last year in homeschooling, I expected the Lambs to leave me alone the first 1/2 hour after I got up so I could read my Bible and read something else. They played, got dressed, and Lamb 1 helped them get cereal while I read. I need to get back to that again. Of course they were boys playing loudly (even though they were trying to be quiet) while I was reading. It didn't take them long to learn Mama was serious about reading and not getting up and getting them anything during her reading time and I would help them immediately after the half hour was up.
6. Each day there is one hour rest time for everyone in the house. Lamb 3 always takes a nap. Sometimes I take a nap. Ram usually reads if he is home. Lamb 1 and 2 sometimes have quiet rest time-where they are in a bed and might fall asleep, but at least look at books, play with toys quietly-and other times they watch a movie-their only screen time allowed since we don't have TV. I don't know what I would do without this rest time-everyone in the house needs a break.
7. I would encourage you to talk to your husband about what your need is for a break from your children. Perhaps you can come up with a creative solution to give you short breaks even if it is not the ideal situation.

8. I also think some times about what my Grandmas and the farm wives would think about this "need". I'm sure they didn't get away overnight with friends. They were too busy doing all the housework and taking care of the kids to have a "girls night out". What did they do? Had the neighbor over for coffee, got involved in activities at church, etc. I know my Grandma had it a lot harder as a pastor's wife in TX when her family was in NE and she had 4 children in less than 5 years. What can I do like my Grandma? I could be better about inviting people over to our house for tea or coffee. I could go to quilting at church and make friends with those women even though they are all old enough to be my mom or grandma. One of the ladies at church was just telling me that the only time her husband ever changed a diaper was when she went to Ladies Aid at church once a month when her youngest child was still in diapers.
9. I would also encourage you to pray about this need. Perhaps God will provide that friend in your area that you didn't even know is there. Or He will help you come up with a solution to help you cope better.

I love my Lambs and I love being a SAHM, but sometimes I do need a break and that seems almost impossible when I live rural. I want to remind you that it is not impossible, you just need to be more creative than the moms that live in bigger cities. So how do you cope with being with your children all the time when you live in a rural place?
Check back tomorrow for more discussion about being a mom with young kids and living in a rural place.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #17

Today I am going to discuss the mom of young children part of my role as a rural pastor's wife.
Most wives that I know here work. There are some, but not a lot of moms with young children in this area. There is no play group or mom's Bible study group. Since I have lived here since I've had children, I'm not even sure what else bigger cities have that I don't have offered here. I have a college friend that just could not imagine my life here and how she would have survived being a new mother without the moms that she met at play group. I have several areas to discuss about being a mom of young children when I live rural. I don't know about being a mom of older children when I live rural yet. Perhaps some of you with older children can comment about that.
1. When I was pregnant with Lamb 1, I called La Leche League and the closest chapter or leader was 2 hours away. There was no way that was going to work to attend meetings or meet a leader when it was a 4 hour round trip and especially not when my baby was born with MSPI. I read a lot of books, made some phone calls to a friend who was a LLLI leader, and just continued nursing Lamb 1 until we both figured it out. Do I think my way was the best way? NO! I would have loved to be in a bigger city with a lactation consultant and easier ways to get help. Lamb 1 survived (and that is very true with him having MSPI) and I figured out nursing. Nursing got easier with Lamb 2 and 3. One of my friends suggested once that I get help from LLLI and was shocked that I lived in a place that was not available. I post this to encourage you to keep breastfeeding even if your situation in a rural place is not the ideal way. Most of the ladies that I have met in this area did not breastfeed. When they had problems there weren't the resources here to help them. It doesn't have to be that way, you can breastfeed even if you don't have all the resources that bigger cities have.
2. When we moved here the town park had two very old rusty slides and very old swings and that was it. I told the city council that we would personally pay for new swings and they should remove the old slides as they weren't safe. Around the same time some moms in town decided to do a fundraiser to get a new slide. The people in town were shocked that it took $3000 to get ONE slide. One of the dads built and painted a couple of see saws. The town paid for new swings. The big fundraiser weekend raised enough money to get the slide. So now our park in town has swings, see saw, and one slide. It's not a lot, but it's better than it was when we moved here. When we get to a bigger town the Lambs love to go to the park because it is a lot better than our small park. We have not purchased a swing set for the Lambs because they can walk across the street to the town park. I post this because even if your town park is small, it may be enough to save getting a swing set for your yard. We also try to make the time to take the Lambs to a park in a bigger town when we go shopping because this is not offered in our town.
3. Winter is the worst when we are stuck in a small town and can't get outside. It really does get better in the spring when we can at least take walks around town. I keep reminding myself that all winter when they are driving me crazy with cabin fever. I try to forget about the times of year that are too muddy for walks, about the mosquitoes in the summer, and the dogs that every one in town owns and Lamb 1 is afraid of. Even just going outside in our yard is better than being stuck in the house.
4. We were given a big discounted pass to go to the Children's Museum in the Twin Cities. On the way home from Ram's appointment at Mayo in January we took the chance to use that pass. I was so excited to have a chance to take the Lambs to a museum as they had only been to one small museum before. I thought it would be great to give them an opportunity to do what the big city kids do. Wow, was I surprised when we actually went. The Lambs hated the crowds which made them hate most of the museum. I wasn't that impressed with the Children's Museum as I compared it to the museums in Fort Wayne that I had taken my students to before. We did have a good time that day, but it wasn't what I had expected-to have a great time. There was a little educational for the Lambs, but not that much. I couldn't imagine that big city parents regularly take their children there. This was an eye opening experience for me-perhaps my Lambs are better off just playing at home and outside in our back yard than doing what the big city kids do.
5. I would encourage you to look what there is to do in your area for children. Some of the things that the Lambs have done here: In February and March different towns in the area have sports/leisure shows. I'm surprised how much there really is for the Lambs to do and learn at these. They enjoy walking around and getting candy, bookmarks, stickers, other small treats. Sometimes the zoo 1 1/2 hours away brings animals for a small petting zoo. PBS brings educational treats. DNR brings animal furs and other educational things to touch.
One of the towns has a big Easter egg hunt the day before Easter. They get candy in eggs and there are also drawings for bigger prizes.
In the summer there are a couple of youth fishing days. The Lambs have been given fishing poles, tackle boxes with supplies, etc. Lunch is provided and also bait. The Lambs are pretty little so they haven't caught very many fish yet, but they have the supplies.
We go to a couple of county fairs. We walk around and get the free stuff, see the exhibits, and the Lambs that are old enough try the tractor pull.
We have done some of the community education programs offered too. Recently Lamb 2 took a cooking class and we're hoping that enough kids sign up for Lamb 1 to take a cooking class too. In the past Lamb 1 and 2 have taken Spanish lessons.
Last summer Lamb 1 and 2 took swim lessons.
In the fall different towns have a town festival. We don't go to all the events they have scheduled, but we usually try to go to the parades.
There aren't the activities offered through the library or park board or church or other places that a big city would have, but there are some things to do here. I had to live here for awhile to find out what was offered. Sometimes we tried going to activities that we didn't really know what they were until we tried them. If we move from here I would be very sad for the Lambs to miss the youth fishing day and some of the other activities that we try to attend each year. I learned that instead of complaining about what I don't have in this rural area, to be thankful for what we do have.
I have more to post about being a mom with young kids in a rural area, so I will continue this post tomorrow.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #16

We went to first service this morning and the rest of the services are canceled today. I was in charge of an art project for Sunday School today. Hopefully we will have church next week and do our art project. The Lambs saw me preparing and wanted to do it at home today. I told them they had to wait until Sunday School. We're ready for a blizzard. As long as I have an Internet connection, I plan to catch up on some photo organizing today. Ram is hoping I give him some computer time so he can watch Nascar!
I plan to post for a few days about being a rural pastor's wife with young children. I have 7 years experience with this. :) Lamb 1's birthday is coming up so I have birthdays on my mind right now so I'll start with that.
When Lamb 1 turned one, we invited a family from church with kids similar in age to our house for a birthday party. I would love to have this family over for birthdays again, but it's too difficult to merge our schedules. Because of their work and school, weeknights aren't good. Saturday night isn't good the night before church either. Saturday or Sunday afternoon would be the best time for them. Ram is tired on Sunday afternoons. I feel bad about making them "waste" a Saturday afternoon at a birthday party for one of the Lambs. Plus they live 1/2 hour away so that is 1 hour round trip just to drive to our house. Since Lamb 1's birthday is in March, I hate to plan something and have weather cancel it.
The Lambs don't have any other friends besides this family from church that are close in age to them. They know a few people in the community, but not much more than know their name. When Lamb 1 turned two I invited a few neighborhood kids but he didn't really know them well.
When Lamb 1 turned 3, we took cupcakes for dessert after Lent service.
When Lamb 1 turned 4, it was my turn to serve Ladies Aid so I took a cake with candles and napkins that he picked out. He enjoyed it when the whole Ladies Aid sang to him.
When Lamb 1 turned 5, I took muffins and juice and we celebrated at Sunday School.
When Lamb 1 turned 6, my sister visited. When Lamb 1 turns 7, we plan to just celebrate as our family.
When Lamb 2 turned 1, my parents and my sister visited.
When Lamb 2 turned 2 and 3, we just celebrated with our family.
When Lamb 2 turned 4, we went to CA and had a party at Great-Grandma's house.
When Lamb 3 turned 1, we just celebrated as a family.
When Lamb 3 turned 2, my parents visited.
None of the Lambs have ever had a birthday party with a bunch of kids invited. None of the Lambs have ever had a birthday party with all the grandparents attending. None of the Lambs have ever been to a birthday party with a bunch of kids invited. With the exception of this one other family from church, I doubt this will change as long as we live here.
In a way I'm glad I don't have to chauffeur the Lambs to several birthday parties each year. Nor do I have to buy something that the kid will either break a few days after we give it to them or it ends up at Goodwill because they didn't want it. Sometimes I think the Lambs are glad that they only have to share their new toys with their brothers and they can play with them right away-not wait until after the birthday party.
So what do we do for birthdays since we can't have the traditional kids birthday party?
1. We have started our own family traditions. Ram's mom usually sends a box with birthday gifts for the birthday boy plus one gift for the other boys so they don't feel left out. I arrange these on the table the night before and the Lambs open them first thing in the morning when everyone is up. They spend the rest of the day playing with their new toys.
2. The Lambs get to pick the meals for all day on their birthday. Sometimes I'm surprised what they pick. Lamb 3 picked clam sauce spaghetti for supper on his 2nd birthday!
3. Ram's mom gave us a special plate for the birthday boy. I bought some plates with birthday cakes on them at Goodwill to serve the birthday cake.
4. I make a homemade cake (nothing fancy) and the Lambs pick what kind to make.
5. Ram's mom sends us a lot of party paper plates, napkins, etc. in boy themes like Thomas, John Deere, etc. Since we don't have a lot of people at these parties, I never could use all this on their birthday. So other times of the year we use those. I have a huge stash and I should use them more often than I do. But I try to use them just for every day just for something different. I also use them as a reward (potty training success, Ewe finished the taxes, memorizing something for school, etc.).
6. All 3 Lambs plus Ram have a spring birthday. Even with this, we try to have a special dessert on their baptism birthdays too.
7. I have seen blogs of friends with some other good ideas for birthdays. Make homemade ice cream. Each child has a tablecloth and each birthday everyone writes on it with a fabric marker. Cut out of paper and decorate the number age of the child several times and hang that on the wall to be in the photos of the birthday child.
8. I have not done it yet, but as the Lambs get older, some time I want to have a party for the Lambs with our family. I would probably not do this on any of the Lambs birthday, possibly on their half birthday. But I think they should learn how to play pin the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, and other traditional birthday party games. I don't think in the age of taking your kids to McDonalds (does any one still do that?) or Chucky Cheese for birthdays that children still play these games at birthday parties.
9. Some of our church members give the Lambs a few dollars or a small gift for their birthdays. Our Lambs consider the older church members their friends. We appreciate this.
I see both positive and negatives for living here for the Lambs birthdays. The more I think about it, the more I'm glad that we celebrate birthdays as a family. I would encourage you to start family traditions for birthdays. I would encourage you to think creatively for celebrating birthdays. It doesn't have to be with a group of kids-can you celebrate at church or with Ladies Aid or with Sunday School, etc.?
How do you celebrate children's birthdays when you live in a rural place?
Check back tomorrow for more ideas of living in a rural place with young children.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #15

I have a quote hanging in my bathroom that says, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." (Marcel Proust) I bought this quote after we had lived here for a few years at a Crazy Days sale for $1.
It took me living here for a few years to look at living in this rural place with new eyes. Here are some of the new eyes that I can think of:
1. It is always windy here. -That's great because I can hang things on the line to save money on the dryer.
2. Many city people would be jealous that I can get raw milk delivered to my house for cheaper/or the same price as a gallon of regular milk from the grocery store.
3. Many city people would be jealous that my boys regularly go out to the farm to pick up eggs and once and awhile we get fresh farm eggs for free.
4. Many city people would be jealous that we have space to garden. We go pick blueberries in the summer. If our garden doesn't grow, we have friends that sell produce to make their living so we go buy from them.
5. Many pastor's wives would be jealous that our phone rarely rings from a church member and church members rarely stop by the parsonage. On the rare times that they do stop by the parsonage it is to deliver a present to us. It is truly an emergency if they call us.
6. Many would be jealous that Ram doesn't have office hours. His office is in our home. If I need him to take a break and change a diaper while he's writing his sermon, he does. Sometimes he doesn't get back to his sermon until the Lambs are in bed.
7. We have been blessed with a huge parsonage. If we move from here I doubt I will ever live in a house this big again.
8. We have time to read. Ram reads a lot. I read when I can. Once a mother asked me when I had time to read with three young boys. There's not a lot of other activities to pull away from our reading time. We read to the Lambs a lot.
9. We spend time as a family. Ram usually has 1 or 2 evening meetings each week. He usually teaches classes and has meetings 1 or 2 afternoons each week. Of course he has a long Sunday morning. But then the whole rest of the week besides what I just mentioned is just for him to visit people/study/prepare his sermon. He can set the appointments for what works with the rest of our schedule. The Lambs spend a lot of time with Ram and I know most children do not have so much time with their dad. I spend a lot of time with Ram. :)
10. We don't go from activity to activity like I see parents in the city do. We do take the Lambs to activities, but not often. I think sometimes children just want to stay home and play with their own toys, but parents have them involved in so many activities that isn't possible. This has also made the Lambs closer to each other. Their brothers are their friends.
11. The Lambs play in our unfenced yard and often play in the street too. I watch them but I don't go outside with them the whole time they are outside. (This has also made a problem when we are in a town or city-they aren't used to staying away from the street.)
I could go on and on about what a blessing it is to live here. I haven't always thought this way. It took some new eyes to be thankful for what I do have instead of complaining about what I don't have.
Can you think of other blessings of living in a rural place?
Come back tomorrow for tips about living in a rural place when you have young children.

Being a rural pastor's wife post #14

The posts in this series before discussed the rural part of my life here. Today I am going to discuss the pastor's wife part of my life here.
Ram has three churches. We are blessed that all three churches work together well. The churches rotate times so that someone does not always have to be late service. These are farmers that don't complain about having the early service! During the school year we go to the country church because they have Sunday School for our ages of our Lambs. During the summer I mainly go to the church next door so I save a little on gas during the summer. In the summer I also try to go to the church that is offering Holy Communion. If the other church is having something special or a potluck I go there. Sometimes it works that I can go to church next door and Sunday School out in the country. The churches combine to have one service for Lent, Holy Week, and Advent. This is nice because I am able to attend all the churches for these services.
I do try to attend as much as possible at our churches and circuit. We often go to the church dinner (fundraisers) for the other churches in our circuit. I know this gets to be expensive with a family, but I think it is important for the area church members to see the pastor and his family. These are small towns where everyone knows everyone and is probably related to them too. The Lambs love the extra attention and usually get seconds and/or second desserts at these. Of course we go to and try to help at the fundraisers for our own churches (as much as possible when Ram is the pastor with other services at the same time and I have 3 young boys by myself). When Ram does a circuit rotation for Lent, we go along. We have to hear the same sermon many times, but we get out to the other churches in the circuit. The Lambs shake hands at the door with Ram after services. We have attended almost all of the installations of the pastors that have been installed since we got here (which is all of the pastors in our circuit except for one). When a new pastor comes to our circuit, I try to take them a bag of groceries (mainly TP, paper towels, soap, etc. because we live so far from Walmart) and homemade bread and jam. We try to attend circuit pastor gatherings. Our circuit tries to hold them once in the summer and once during Epiphany. With the Lambs, I do not attend Ladies Aid each month, but we do try to go when they have something special and to their Christmas parties. (Yes, there are three churches so there are three Ladies Aids).
I was talking to a pastor's wife that had lived in her circuit for several years (longer than we've been here) and she still had not met all of the other pastor's wives in that circuit. She often attended circuit events with her children, but the other pastor's wives did not. We are the only pastor's family in our circuit that has children younger than high school age. Most of the pastors in this circuit have no children or no children at home any more. There is only one other pastor's wife in this circuit that does not work and she is extremely busy with activities at her church. Sometimes it is difficult for me to have a conversation with the other pastor's wives because I have so little in common with them. But I know their names and who they are and have a few chances each year to talk to them.
Ram has done about 45 funerals here in the last almost 8 years. I do not attend the funerals with the Lambs mainly because the churches are so small. I try to always offer to bring a cake or something even if is not my turn to serve. I try to take the Lambs to the funeral dinner, towards the end of the dinner. Then I know that the family has been served just in case they would run short on food. I also know that everyone will have more time to visit-both the family and our church members if we don't arrive right after the funeral. There have been times that I got to the dinner that they were almost out of food so I told the Lambs we were just visiting, not eating. Other times they have plenty so the Lambs have an extra piece of cake. After we eat and visit then I often have the Lambs help clean up-carry dishes to the kitchen etc. After they clean up a little then Ram will often take them home and I'll stay and help with dishes. It has only been recently that our Lambs were old enough to do this. I got out of doing dishes for about the first 5 years of living here because the Lambs were just too young for me to help.
When one of the churches is serving food either potluck or serving after Advent or Lent services etc., I try to bring something or at least offer to bring something. I know this is not required, but I feel that this is something that I am able to do with the young Lambs. There are many things at church that I am unable to do with young Lambs. I know that this could get expensive to always bring something. I buy cake mixes when they are on sale and plan for this though.
The first couple of years we were here we tried to have an Epiphany open house party for our members. Some that came said they had never been inside the parsonage while a pastor was living in it. The first year we had great attendance. The second year the weather wasn't good and only a few came. Because of weather and our young Lambs we did not have a party after that. I would like to plan a get together where all our members were invited some time in the summer when we wouldn't have to worry about the weather-maybe a Christmas in July party. I've thought of this but never done it.
I try to send cards to our church members. I recently had the Lambs make Valentines for most of our members (shut ins too) for one of our churches of our tri-parish. I hope to do a different church next year. It took them a long time to make that many Valentines. It took me a long time to get all 3 organized in envelopes for everyone. The members loved to receive homemade Valentines. They loved to be thought of and remembered at Valentine's Day. When I know when their birthday is, I try to send a card or have the Lambs make cards some times. I try to send get well cards and sympathy cards too. Sometimes Ram delivers these, sometimes we take them to church, and sometimes I mail them. I don't get the cards sent every time, but I try. I feel this is also something that the Lambs and I can do while they are young. We have such small churches that most of the members are adopted grandparents to our boys. The majority of our church members are age 65 and over. I don't have a lot in common with them because I am so much younger and I came from a big city and I haven't lived here for my whole life. They are all very nice and I enjoy the times that I do have to talk to them when I'm not interrupted by Lambs.
I know that if you live rural there may be many factors that you can not do what I listed here in your circuit and your church/es. Your circuit may be too far away. Your children may be too little. You may not be able to add one more thing to your already busy schedule. You may do different things at your church/es than I do. I hope that by listing this I don't make you feel guilty for not doing some of the things we do. I did want to post about this though. I like to get ideas from other pastor's wives of what I can do while I have young Lambs and I live rural. Some of the things I do I know I could never do if we were at a larger church or in a bigger city. I do want to encourage you to try to be involved in your churches and circuit. 
What do you do at your rural churches?
Check back tomorrow for some more about being a rural pastor's wife.