Sunday, January 22, 2012

Organization Guilt

Here's a fast version of my life-I go to college and work in the library and am given a lot of teaching materials and books then, then work several jobs that summer and no time to organize those materials, then begin teaching and our school was developing our own curriculum so summers were even busier than the school year so school stuff piled up and got out of control, then got married and tried to cram Ram's stuff and books into a 800 square foot house along with mine-wanted to go through stuff but no space to spread out stuff to go through it, then help clean out my grandma's house that I was really close to and take on many of her "treasures", pack up classroom and house and move to MN and live in a huge house where storage was not an issue, planned to not get a job and just go through things now that we have space, one month after moving to MN I got pregnant and was hospitalized with morning sickness soon after-really sick during pregnancy, then had child with MSPI that never slept, just about got child #1 figured out when I got pregnant with #2, child #2 had a rough first 6 weeks and I had a difficult time with having 2 children, finally got being a mom to 2 children figured out when I got pregnant with #3, actually #3 wasn't bad, but having 3 children 4 and under was. Finally got used to being a mom of 3 and they got old enough to play nicely for a little while so I began going through things-organizing my kitchen the way I would have liked it the whole time we lived in MN, throwing out huge trash cans full of old newspapers and catalogs etc. I was finally getting a good handle on getting my house organized-doing a little at a time- and out of the blue Ram receives a Call to ID and from the time he announced we were moving until moving day was less than a month-we packed ourselves (with help from Ewe's parents and friends and church members in the area) but had movers move us. Everything we own was packed very quickly and not packed in an organized way-partly because it wasn't organized before we moved. I didn't even mention I also had 5 miscarriages and took time to heal after each one. We are living in a rented house currently where some things are in the house but most is in the garage. We plan to move to our new house in March.

I have felt bad that I have 15 years worth of stuff to go through. I am embarrassed to have church members help us move and see how much stuff we have. I have stuff in all areas to go through-too much kitchen stuff, tons of recipes unorganized, many office supplies, scrapbook supplies and photos unorganized, old computer files unorganized, the boys clothes, the boys toys, linens from my grandma, my clothes, my teaching files, and I could go on and on. One thing I learned reading One Year to an Organized Life was that it is time to stop feeling guilty about my unorganized stuff. I have already acknowledged in the last paragraph that I am unorganized and the main reason is that I was in "survival mode" for at least 7 years-from the time I was pregnant with Lamb 1 until Lamb 3 turned 2. There simply wasn't time to go through mail immediately when I got it and tasks like that. Even in the middle of all that I paid bills on time and got organized to do taxes on time so the important things got done. Plus my boys will only be little and need me to be a mom of young boys once. I don't want them to remember me always cleaning out things instead of spending time with them. The church members have remarked how amazed they were that we moved so quickly especially when they heard that we moved 20,000 lbs and did all the packing ourselves.

So this book reminded me to acknowledge that it got out of control, repent of being out of control, and start from this point doing what I can do ONE DAY AT A TIME to get organized. Most important I need to forgive myself for the past organization problem.

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