Do you know other women who have had miscarriages so you don't feel like the only one?My answer to her was of course I knew women who have had miscarriages. But the next part of my answer was that I didn't know anyone who had 4 miscarriages like me. Later I thought of someone I knew who had several miscarriages but her situation is a little different because she has never had any children. That is what got me thinking.
I really do think it is two separate issues to *have fertility problems/miscarriages and not have any children OR *to have one or more children and have miscarriages. They are both the same in that both want a child. I had one child before I had any miscarriages so I will never have the perspective of the first issue. But I can tell you about the second issue. Strangers make comments like "Isn't it time for another one? You guys should try for a girl!" They have no idea that you want another child. They have no idea that there is a problem because you already have some children, why couldn't you have more? Others that know that you have had a miscarriage remind you to "be thankful for the children that you do have" and suggest that "maybe it is time that you are done because you already have some children". Others have to share the story of the ONE miscarriage that they had and assume that "they understand".
I do know a couple of families that had a few children and then had a miscarriage and they never had any more children. They told me they decided they were done after the children they had. I do know a few families that had a few children, had a miscarriage, and then several years later finally had another child. Those years in between children were very difficult for them and it will always be obvious because of the big gap between children. But I can't think of any family/friends that had a few children, told me they really longed to have another child, and never did. I suppose there are families like that, but I assume that they only wanted X number of children and that they chose to be done after X number of children.
Miscarriage has not always been talked about openly. I think the Internet age has changed that. I don't know how our story will turn out. Are we done after 3 boys? Will we eventually have another child? Will we adopt? Only God knows that answer.
I made it through yesterday that I expected to be difficult. Today's schedule doesn't seem to be difficult. Thursday and Saturday and Sunday's schedule look to be difficult again. I am taking it one day at a time. I am thankful for the days that look to be easier as a break between the difficult days.