Sunday, March 27, 2011

Trusting God

Now that I'm pregnant and also trying to drink lots of water, I go to the bathroom A LOT. I saw the ultrasound of one of our babies that was just fine one week and the following week we lost that baby. I've had 3 miscarriages. Due to the nightmares of those and some other issues in previous pregnancies, I get nervous EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I go to the bathroom when I am pregnant. Before we lost our third baby, I always thought that seeing the ultrasound would be enough to calm me down that everything was well with baby. I have not had an ultrasound with this pregnancy. Seeing an ultrasound is not enough to calm me down any more. I believe I will calm down more after the baby in my womb has outlived all 3 of our babies in heaven, but it will be in the back of my mind until I am holding Lamb 4 in my arms.
I have done a little research about my blood clotting disorder called Factor II. After my little research it is amazing to me that it was so easy for me to get pregnant 7 times and even more amazing that we have 3 healthy boys. It is amazing that during each of the pregnancies/births/postpartums of all 3 boys I had very few problems. Sometimes I wonder "What if I would have known I had Factor II before any of my pregnancies?" Maybe it is better that I was naive about the whole situation and when I wasn't sick with morning sickness I enjoyed my first pregnancy without the facts about Factor II in the back of my mind. I would have totally freaked out when I had spotting with Lamb 2 if I would have known about Factor II then. But perhaps Lamb 3 would have gained more weight if I would have known about Factor II then. It doesn't really matter because the fact is that we have 3 healthy boys and now I have the knowledge that I have this for this pregnancy and any future pregnancies.
The Lambs really want another sibling, preferably a sister. They completely trust that in November they will have a sibling. They are completely naive that we could lose the baby before then. I know that if we would lose the baby, they would completely trust that it is in heaven and not grieve it too much-other than the fact that they lost the hope of getting a dollhouse and girl toys in our house in November. I can not be completely naive about the situation like they are, but I can trust in God.
Starting the next time I go to the bathroom, I am going to recite Bible verses and pray about this situation. Think of how many times I will recite Bible verses and all the prayers I will say over the next 240 days! That sounds like a much better way to spend all those trips to the bathroom instead of worrying.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1


Sue said...

My favorite Psalm, and a verse I also turn to. Bless you as you go through this time with this on your shoulders. May God wrap his loving arms around you and remind you that he is with you - may you be able to release your worries to him!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your precious unborn blessing.

Kristen @ Joyfullythriving said...

Praying for you and your unborn littlest one. May God grant you His perfect peace!