Wednesday

Yesterday was a whirlwind and a blur of a day to me. It began with about an hour drive to the midwife with two ultrasounds (regular and vaginal). The midwife told me the news that our baby that we expected in September stopped growing last Friday and there was no heart beat yesterday. I'm still processing this news because on Feb. 1 the baby was fine and I saw a heartbeat. We originally weren't going to announce that we were pregnant yet but everything was fine on Feb. 1 so we announced earlier than we thought we would. I've done it both ways and I don't know if it is easier to talk about a miscarriage if you have announced you are pregnant or not. After seeing the midwife, getting a shot, and getting blood drawn, I came home.
I wasn't home for very long before we received the news that Ram's grandpa died yesterday morning. He hadn't been feeling well and he didn't wake up in the car when they got to the doctor. Thankfully their son had taken them to the doctor so Grandma wasn't alone.
My own grandpas died before I was born and I only saw Ram's mom's dad a few times after we were married. But we visited Ram's dad's dad several times and talked on the phone to him almost every Sunday night. The Lambs know this Great Grandpa.
Yesterday was spent making phone calls and arrangements. Ram is going to the funeral alone because it is just too complicated for the Lambs and me to fly out at this point. Ram and I have only been apart a handful of nights since we have been married and most of those I have been with my parents to help watch the Lambs. Ram had 2 trips in January (1 funeral and 1 for church) and I hate being apart from my beloved and hate being a single parent for almost a week. Ram had to cancel church on Ash Wednesday to go to the funeral.
Please pray for Ram to have a safe trip, for me to be a good single parent while he is gone, for me to complete my miscarriage without complications before he leaves, and for our family as we grieve.
It is comforting to me to know that our Good Shepherd is holding our 3 miscarried Lambs and Great Grandpa met them, and even our little Lamb that we hadn't told him about yet.

I don't have time to figure out how to turn off comments for this post, but I would appreciate no comments on this post. Everyone grieves differently and by the 3rd miscarriage, I would appreciate not having to read a bunch of comments. It is enough for me to know that you are keeping me in your prayers.

My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:15-16

In memory of Great Grandpa and his 89 years/4 months on earth and alive in Christ forever and our little Lamb alive in my womb for 8 weeks/4 days and alive in Christ forever.